I'm sorry it's been soooo long since my last blog post; the Lord has been dealing with me on that, telling me to make time to sit down and write, but I haven't until now! But hey, better late than never. ;) It's so good to be back!!
Let me just start by saying that Jesus is sooooooo good!! This summer has been a monumental, transforming, and probably one of the most life-defining summers for me. The Lord has taken me on such a beautiful journey through this process of preparation me for my three month missions trip to South Africa. He is showing me that it's not just about this one trip, this is my life. This is who I am. I am a missionary.
He is taking me into a completely new season, a season of fruitfulness and life and growth! I feel like I have just come through a long two year period of winter, where everything was vague and I wasn't sure where my life was going and most of the time I didn't feel very close to God at all. But He was right there, holding me in His hand the whole time, saying "It's okay, I know the plans I have for you Alexandria, and your future is bright. Just keep holding on." Father is SO faithful! He is showing me who I really am in Him. He is launching me out and my life is never going to be the same. I'm not going to feel guilty anymore for calling myself a missionary and receiving generous donations from beautiful people at the churches I've visited this summer. Do I deserve this? No. But am I called and chosen? YES! Whether or not I feel qualified or other people think I'm qualified, I AM created in Christ to do good things, which God has prepared in advance for me to do! (Ephesians 2:10) And that, is enough.
It is enough that I am willing and available to be used by the Lord. That is what He delights in. He has no need of people who think they have it all together, or who try to have it all together on their own. He just longs for people who have a willing heart, who cry out, "Yes, Lord" to everything He has for them in Christ. He loves choosing the people with broken, messy lives, who have struggles and questions, doubts and fears. Because then HIS strength is made perfect in weakness.
2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
So this summer has been surprisingly quite busy with lots of travelling! Which is awesome, because I LOVE to travel! :) The Lord has given me so many opportunities to speak about my missions trip and my heart for missions at various churches in Evansville and Indianapolis through many different connections with people. I have also been able to share the song I wrote, "Journey to your heart", and I am just overwhelmed and humbled at how many people are saying that the song has blessed them or spoken to them in some way. That song came simply out of my time with Jesus and the piano, a raw expression of what He was doing in my heart at the time. I wrote it when I found out I was going on the trip to South Africa. It was my spirit rising up and saying, "YES Lord, even though I don't know the way or where we're going, I WILL follow you wherever you lead me because I'm in love with you!" If I can live closer to Jesus by sleeping in a hut in Africa ministering to orphans in need and people in poverty than I can by living where I am now, then SO BE IT. Take me there Jesus! Take my comforts and securities, just give me Jesus. Because I want to be close to Him, no matter the cost. Being close to HIS heart is what it's all about. Jesus really is worth it all.
I have posted a youtube link to my song below, with a brief intro where I share my heart for the song. I hope and pray it blesses and ministers to you!! (I know it's probably not the best audio; this was done at Salvage Yard Christian church in March this past year as part of a fundraiser worship concert for my trip. I am hoping, Lord willing, to start the process of getting the song professionally recorded when I get back. But this is what I have for now. :) )
"Wherever you would lead me is where I want to go, cause in the mountain or the valley, your presence is my home. So I'll follow where you lead me on this journey to your heart, 'cause I just want to be where you are...
Cause I'm in love with you....
With you there are boundaries, you can have all of me,
I'm yours, I belong to you."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zR1iLof8R0U&feature=youtu.be
So through this process over this summer, not only have I been humbled and overwhelmed to see the Lord come through to provide for me in absolutely amazing ways; He has also been digging deep and uprooting some deep fears and insecurities I didn't even know I had, and replacing them with His perfect peace and confidence. It's an unearthly confidence that I've never known before. Normally, I would be freaking out before a big trip like this, leaving the country. My mind would be racing a million miles an hour late into the night wondering if I am forgetting anything or if I packed everything and what I need to do to be ready to leave tomorrow. But the absolutely crazy thing is, I'm not even a little stressed out. Once I was open and honest with Jesus and myself about my fears and worries, He was able to heal me in those areas and fill me up with His peace more than ever before. It's amazing. If you've never just looked all your fears in the face and laid them before Jesus, it's time to do it. Move on, get past them. Don't let fear hold you back from the life God is calling you to live! I have resolved that I want to follow Jesus no matter the cost and I won't let fear get in the way anymore. He is worth it all! There are no boundaries in this relationship with Jesus. He doesn't put boundaries on our lives (except for normal, healthy biblical boundaries). He died to set us FREE! WE are the ones that put man-made, dream-destroying, destiny-limiting dysfunctional boundaries on our lives. We think they are keeping us safe, but in the end they are really keeping us from experiencing the full lives God wants us to live. The safest place you could ever be is right in the center of God's will. There is SO much joy in finally breaking free to run straight into your destiny in Christ! Jesus came and died for us to give us an abundant life, full of blessing and grace and power and favor and freedom! I want to leave you with two scriptures that have been speaking to me lately...
John 1:16 Because of all that the Son is, we have been given one blessing after another. (CEV)
J0hn 1:16 Because he was full of grace and truth, from him we all received one gift after another. (NCV)
Philippians 3:12-14 The Passion Translation
"I run with passion into His abundance so that I may reach the destiny that Jesus Christ has called me to fulfill and wants me to discover. I don't depend on my own strength to accomplish this; however I do have one compelling focus; I forget all of the past as I fasten my heart to the future instead. I run straight for the divine invitation of reaching the heavenly goal and gaining the victory-prize through the anointing of Jesus."
I could probably write and write forever and ever about the awesomeness of Jesus and what He is doing in my life right now, but then I wouldn't get any sleep! ;) Tomorrow is the big day and I still have some packing to finish...so goodbye for now. I will definitely try to blog as much as I can while I'm in South Africa! I look forward to updating you all on what God is doing in me and my team! Prayers are appreciated!
Trust Jesus. Dream big. Live life to the fullest!
Goodnight. :)
Have you read the story of Gladys Aylward? Or seen the movie. The movie is old, it has Ingrid Bergman in it, but it's pretty accurate. Anyway, you need to read or watch! She knew God was calling her to China, but no one would send her. She finally did get there. Awesome story of his faithfulness.
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