John 4:23-24 [The Message]
It’s who you are and the way you live that count before God. Your worship must engage your spirit in the pursuit of truth. That’s the kind of people the Father is out looking for: those who are simply and honestly themselves before him in their worship. God is sheer being itself—Spirit. Those who worship him must do it out of their very being, their spirits, their true selves, in adoration.”
Luke 7:37-39
"And behold, a woman of the city, who was a sinner...brought an alabaster flask of ointment, and standing behind him at his feet, weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears and wiped them with the hair of her head and kissed his feet and anointed them with the ointment."
Worshiping Jesus is amazing. I love being in His presence, because no matter how much you love on Him, He always loves on you even more!
But leading others in worship too can be a real struggle sometimes! (Bet you didn't know that. ;))
First of all, you must make yourself so vulnerable. Think about it. The way that you sing or play, the level of your skill, the style of your worship, and your mistakes when trying to play an instrument and sing (or speak) at the same time, are all laid out there for everyone to see and hear! And at the same time you're supposed to be helping them worship! (And I'm like "How on earth am I supposed to do this, God?!") It's like opening wide the door to your vulnerabilities and private life with God, and letting everyone glimpse it in hopes that it will somehow lead them deeper into God's heart. (Haha, at least that's how I feel about it.)
Secondly, sometimes you get caught up in wanting so much for the church to experience God that you eclipse your need to worship for yourself, out of a place of rest and intimate connection with Jesus. This usually leads to worshiping from performance, and worshiping out of the pressure to make people "feel something" during the worship set on Sunday. This is where Jesus found me this past year, and began doing some major healing in me.
Often, when getting ready to lead worship on a Sunday, I would think,"THIS will be the Sunday that I will really get it right! THIS Sunday, people will really get set free and be blessed by my worship, and I won't hold back and Jesus can really move through me."
How wrong was that?! I really hate that I used to think that way, but I'm just being honest because I know I'm not the only person who has ever struggled with this! I always wondered, "Did my worship measure up today? Was it good enough for God, and good enough for the church? Did people really feel God's presence?" I would measure how good I did that day by people's response, or my feelings. Which was really dangerous, and put me into bondage in my thinking!
The good news is, it didn't end there. :)
Thankfully, Jesus finally brought me to a place where I asked myself, "Is worship leading, or just worshiping, really about getting it "right"? Or is it about me letting go and trusting that Jesus will get it right, no matter what mistakes I may make, because HE is the One that is really good, not me?"
Then it finally started to click on the inside.
Jesus never fails.
I do.
But, that is okay because His grace is SO much bigger than my lack, my failures and insecurities!
In Christ, I am free from the pressure to be good enough. Because HE is good enough. And HE lives inside of ME! What crazy grace! Christ is the Mediator, the Center of it all! Jesus is at the right hand of the throne of God right now, constantly reveling in the goodness of God, and constantly bringing me before the Father. So when I stay intimately connected with Jesus, I am automatically reveling in God's goodness too! Jesus is the only One who really has this worship thing down.
He is the Ultimate Worshiper, because knows the Father better than any of us!
This is the root of real worship. It's in completely losing sight of myself as I gaze on His goodness, fixing my eyes on who HE is in me, and for me! It's in letting my need for perfection go because already have Perfection. Christ is my Perfection.
Because Christ is my Perfection, I also don't have to worry about my worship being good enough for the church. Yes I want people to be blessed through my worship. But if that is my primary focus, I'm wrong. Making the church feel all warm and fuzzy so that they will worship is not my responsibility. You alone choose how much of God you want to experience. When I am leading worship, though it is my heart to bless you and I hope you are encouraged by my worship, I am not up there worshiping for you. I'm sorry, but I'm not. I am worshiping Jesus with my whole heart.
I am loving on Him and adoring Him like no one else is in the room, just like the woman who interrupted a prestigious dinner party to wash Jesus' feet with her tears. To her, it was like she and Jesus were the only two in the room.
So, my first focus even before serving the church, will be loving and serving Jesus.
And as I worship, the church will automatically encounter Jesus out of the overflow of my love for Him, because my focus is not on myself, but on Christ! The pressure is not on me.
The only thing I need to do is lean into His grace, and breathe Him in.
And when I do, He shows up every time.
His presence comes when I worship like no one else is watching.
I am a work in progress. There are still days when I feel completely inadequate and unworthy to lead worship. There are days I feel frazzled and distracted, and wonder if God can really use me right now because I just keep losing my focus and forgetting the Truth of who He is inside of me.
Then, Jesus reminds me that it is not about my goodness or worthiness at all, it is
All
About
His.
And then I relax into His embrace, relinquish my need to perform and please people, and get on with worshiping beautifully, naturally, the way I was created to. And my prayer is that as my gaze is fixed on Him, the church's eyes will be fixed on Him too. So as I lead, I will worship from rest and intimacy with Him, and I hope that you follow me.
But even if you don't, I am going to delight in my Jesus.
Nothing will hold me back anymore from being the worshiper I am created to be.
Because Christ is the Perfect Worshiper, and I am in Christ. That is all I need.
